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Fingertips and Keyboards

If only you knew the half of it.

Dear Carson,

Where should I begin? I know you aren’t my son by blood, but in my heart you’re my son just as much as Jabari is. You’ve only been in this world for a year now and you’ve already made a huge impact in a lot of lives, especially mine. You’ve brought out a side of me that I never knew I had. A side of me that some people just don’t understand. Some people don’t understand why I treat you like my own. Then there are some people who commend me. Honestly, I could care less what they all say because I know what I’ve been doing and will continue to do is the right thing. 

Growing up I’ve seen some things and been thru some things that make want to always treat you like my own flesh and blood. And to see the way the world is going makes me vow to God that I will continue to love and treat you the same way I do your brother and sister. Seeing you grow puts the same smile on my face that Jabari and Londyn did when they were babies. 

You should feel special because you get three families to love. Some kids only get one. In no means am I trying to replace your father. That’s not in me. But I will be  an addition to him. One thing my dad always told me, “honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives to the.” I’m gonna make sure you honor both of your parents. 

I’m excited to see how you grow up to be. Especially at 3 and 4 when your personality starts to really come out. Keep working on that arm cause you sure are throwing things. Gonna have to put that to use in sports. So with all that being said… HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY CARSON! Dom loves you and will always love you no matter what!

Love you Son Son,

-Dom 

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Dear Shalequa,

Well I figured I made you wait long enough so here it goes….

Almost seven years ago when I first met you, you were one of the most strong, independent, and bold young ladies I’ve ever met. Over some time you let your guard down enough to let me in. Despite your past and how you felt about relationships you gave me the opportunity to change how you felt. Long story short I failed at that opportunity and I’m not ashamed to admit that.

Over the last few years you started building yourself back up. You found your passion in cosmetology, one of the things that’s makes you very happy on this world, besides our kids. Despite a small hiccup came a huge blessing. After that you found even more motivation to continue getting back to that strong, independent, and bold young lady you once were.

You gave me three of the beautifuliest children on this planet. Yes I said three. I can never thank you enough for that. Sometimes you get on my last nerve so much I just want run away from you. Sometimes we but heads, we dont agree on things, we fight and argue, we ignore each other, we annoy each other. But no matter what, at the end of the day I know that I will always have a friend in you.

Coparenting isn’t easy but together we can overcome the obstacles and challenges. It’s going to take a whole lot, a whole lot, a whole lot of work from the both of us. Despite where life takes either one of us, we both have to remember that those three angels depend on us. They didn’t ask us to enter this world! I know I may not have kept my promise as a husband, but as a father…. that’s one promise I guarantee you I will never ever break even after I die!!!

I say all of that to say… happy birthday 25th Shalequa! Use your past to build you a better future. Take all your weakness and doubts and turn them in to strengths and confidence. Continue to be the beautiful, strong, independent, and bold woman you are growing into. When you feel things aren’t going right, know that God knows exactly what he is doing and he wouldn’t put you through anything you couldn’t handle. Trust me, he has already sent you through some very tough times. 

Love you baby momma with all yo drama! 

-Dom

Call me Alicia cause I’m falling. 

Hello world!

It’s me again. So let’s get right to it. Have you ever liked a person so much that it drives you insanely crazy? Yea that’s how I feel at this moment. But the gag is, I don’t know if I should. I say that because (in my Gia Casey accent, check out The Casey Crew Podcast lol) at this point in time I don’t think anything will happen. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being hopeful and keepin faith. However, the facts are there and they are crystal clear. 

I’m at the point where I would do any and everything to make them happy. Only because their happiness feeds my happiness. Then the facts start screaming at me. Telling me to “slow down, just be patient” and “don’t do too much cause you don’t know.” Often times I’ve invested too many feelings into people and things never turn out the way I want them too. Now here I am again… feeling like I’m the first jumper on a C-130, full combat equipment, waiting for the Jumpmaster to slap me on my butt and say go (aka nervous and scared as fuck)! 

I don’t know what to do, at all!!!! I do know what I feel and there is no way I can deny any of those feelings. But I just want to protect myself from being heartbroken once again. Maybe it’s still my bad karma coming back to me and I’m meant to be heartbroken yet again. If it’s, God I hope this is the last of it!! Some days I just want to give up and forget about all of it and them. But see… this person right here… yea, they will be extremely hard to forget about! EXTREMELY!!!

Well… I think I’ve said it all. I hope you all have a wonderful time with your loved ones these next few weeks. Mom’s side of the family will be here this weekend for Christmas and New Year’s Eve I’ll be partying with my cousin Brad! Happy holidays, tell your family you love them while they are still here! 

Until next time,

Dom 

Reaching for better. 

Hello world! I hope you all are great and in high spirits. Crazy things have been happening in the world but I hope you still have and have had joy in all your days! 

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about where I am in life and where I want to be. When I sit back and reflect on it, I realize that there are “things” that are blocking and distracting me from reaching for better. Most of these “things” are something that I can definitely do without. I wouldn’t say that I’ve been complacent, but I will say that I’ve definitely been distracted. 

This year I turned 27, and it has opened my eyes to a WHOLE LOT. There are things that I want to do, things I shouldn’t do, places I want to go, and places I shouldn’t of have gone to. However, I can’t change the past but I can’t use the past to better my future. 

I say all of that to say this, if you notice that I may be missing in action from social media, outings, or from communicating… just know that I’m good and that I’m just reaching for better! There are no hard feelings towards anyone or anything, but I have to do what’s best for me. So I think it’s about time that I start to focus more on my goals and less on the “things” that are blocking and distracting me from reaching for better. I know it will be hard because a lot of “things” have become habits. But habits can be broken! 

Here’s to reaching for better! Be positive, stay focused, and love yourself like Kanye loves hisself! I challenge you all to find “things” that are distracting and blocking you from reaching for better. Remove those things from your life. Try it for a few weeks or months. See how it goes. You might end up seeing a huge change in your life! 

Until next time,

-Dom

Dear Londyn, 

Happy birthday baby boo! I love you so much. I haven’t told you this but I miss you waking me up in the mornings before the sun comes up asking for cereal and juice. I’ve been so lonely now that you and you’re brother are gone. But I know you’re taking really good care of him lol. 
Four years ago God blessed me with you. Like the say having a girl really changes your life, and you sure did change mine. You have definitely opened my eyes to a lot of things. I thought being a father to your brother would be pretty easy. But when your mom and I found out we were having a girl, I told myself to take it one year at a time lol. Good thing there are many women, ladies, and girls in my life that I can talk to and ask for advice.

I always wonder what you will grow up to be like. What kinda activities and hobbies you would pick to do. You are so much more outgoing than I am. I hope you stay that way cause it sure will coming in handy as you grow up. 

I can’t wait till the day I have to get you prepared for prom. Baby boo you are going to slay by all means! And that’s my promise. Don’t get me started on your wedding  lol. 

But baby boo, I’m just excited fork u future! I wish you the best and just know I’m gonna be right there every step of the way! I love you with all my heart!

-Daddy

Dear Jabari,

Six years ago I would have never known a year later God would have blessed me with you. As the days go by I still thank Him for putting you in my life. I will say it’s not easy being your dad because I’ve never had a great example to look to. Everyone says I’m doing a great job. It doesn’t feel like it. I feel like there is so much more that I should be doing but I’m not exactly sure how to do it. Now that your mom and I aren’t together anymore, it sucks not seeing you and being around you like I used to. But I know that this is only temporary. One day I’ll have a better schedule and I’ll be able to see you after work and not just certain weekends. I know you can’t read this, but it’s the Internet and one day you will find it and be able to read it. 

I pray you become a better man than me. I pray you experience all the things in life you want to. Never let anyone stop you from pursuing your dreams, not even yourself. Remember to keep God first because he will never steer you wrong. When you feel like you don’t know what to do, go to God and let him guide you. Trust me, I go to him all the time. 

Life will be rough at times, but it will definitely be worth every head ache and heart ache. Always see the bright side of things. Surround yourself with positive people. Love whoever you chose to love. Tomorrow isn’t promised and you can’t smell the roses when they are gone. 

Remember to look after your sister and brother. Always protect them! Help your mom when ever she needs it, cause she will always be the one you can run to, besides me. And plus, she will read you like a book (cause she has done it to me plenty of times). 

You’re going to get in trouble, you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to get hurt, you’re going to fall, and you’re going to get your heart broken. It’s all about how you bounce back! So don’t be afraid to take chances and live life with out regrets. 

Happy 5th birthday buddy! I love you more than words can express. And that will never change, NO MATTER WHAT! Always remember I’m here for you even we are on two different sides of the world. I’ll be on the first thing smoking just to get to you! 

Love you to infinity and beyond,

-Dad

The real, true you.

It’s almost been a year since I last posted a blog. So you can say I’m way over due. Too much has happened since my last blog that it would take days for me to reflect on it all. One thing I will reflect on is my mental growth. Because w all know physical I’m not growing anymore. Well maybe in weight but not height. Lol. 

So mentally I’ve grown to love the real, true Dominique completely l. You might not understand or know the real, true Dominique, and that’s okay because everyone doesn’t need too. But what you do need to know is that by loving myself completely allowed me to grow mentally. 

If you don’t know by now I was medically diagnosed with depression after my tour in Afghanistan in June 2013. In July 2013 I started taking medicine for it. The medicine definitely helped, it really boosted my spirits, and helped me sleep better. 

Here we are now April 2016 and I can truly say I no longer need depression medication. Why you ask? Because I’ve learned to truly love myself! It sure as heck wasn’t easy, but I did it. With help from God, I’m not letting the devil steal my joy anymore. I refuse! I no longer let people or situations get the best of me. I may take a few minutes to an hour of feeling some type of way. However, I guarantee you one thing, I damn sure won’t stay that way for the whole day, night, week, month, or year. I can’t, I won’t, and I refuse to.

I’ve been learning to put myself first. It’s been a struggle, especially coming from the Army where you are always protecting you battle buddies and always putting your Soldiers needs before your own. I’m not saying I don’t care for anyone anymore. I’m just simply saying that I am putting Dominique first. If I’m not any good to my self then I can’t be any good to my kids, my family, my friends, or even you reading this right now. 

So I say all of that to say this world, put yourself first. Learn to love the real, true you. Don’t let people or situations bring you down. And definitely do not let the devil steal your joy! 

My number one saying I tell mostly everyone… “You can’t control the situation, but you can control your attitude towards the situation.”

Until next time,

-Dom

“Jesus Didn’t Tap”

Yesterday I went to see and support my friend Rene at an MMA event. While I was there I saw this group of people that had a shirt. On the front it said “Jesus Didn’t Tap”. Seeing that slogan in that shirt really touched me. Like if you really think about it, Jesus really didn’t tap. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be a preacher or whatnot but you can’t say that that slogan didn’t make you feel some kind of way. Like you think about people fighting in MMA fights and once they get in too much pain they tap. But as Jesus was getting whipped and nailed to the cross, He didn’t tap. He didn’t say “I quit.” It almost leaves me speechless just thinking about. In life we go through things and sometimes people may quit those things or just give up. (It’s happened to me.) But what if we just think about Jesus not tapping before we tap. Ok I got it, in some situations you don’t want to lose your life so you have to tap. Like when it comes to breaking addictions. Tap out and go to rehab, but don’t you tap out of rehab. You stick through it and you fight.  I’m sure there are people out there right now that feeling like tapping, throwing in the towel, and just quitting. Just don’t do it. We have to fight. Stand on your two feet with your hands up and ready for what is coming your way. So when it gets tough and you feel like you can’t take it any more, just remember “Jesus Didn’t Tap” so why should you!

I wish…

I wish that…

…Grandpa Red was here and we could go fishing one more time. 

…I could here him mumble his words cause he had no teeth. 

…we could go back to that one day we took him to the beach even though it was cold and we didn’t get in the water. He was so happy. 

…I ate that banana Great Grandma Edna gave me that one day in the nursing home. 

… I could hear her ask me who I was and who my mother is again. 

…we could all sing happy birthday to her at family reunion. 

…Grandpa Richard was here so he could tell me one of his stories. 

…I could see him open his door and smile so hard to see me.

…he could pray for me right now. Lord knows I need it. 

…I could see them all right now.

I miss them.  

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